A crown of thorns, a crown of flowers
by inalphonsesarmor
Summary: This is small AU drabble where Lelouch is visting Suzaku's grave after his passing. In this world Lelouch was kept alive after Suzaku took over Zero's title and "killed" the tyrant emperor Lelouch; only to die a short bit later or something like that. So basically Lelouch was still stabbed, and his death was feigned, but Suzaku died shortly after.'


((This is small AU drabble where Lelouch is visting Suzaku's grave after his passing. In this world Lelouch was kept alive after Suzaku took over Zero's title and "killed" the tyrant emperor Lelouch; only to die a short bit later or something like that. So basically Lelouch was still stabbed, and his death was feigned, but Suzaku died shortly after. Also, I wrote this on Suzaku's birthday, July 10th, for my roleplay partner whom I roleplay SuzaLulu with; and, I had the best intentions to publish it that night but it was almost 5 A.M and I was exhausted...))

The sky was heavy, on the break of sunrise as morning drew nigh with the last few gray clouds clinging greedily to the atmosphere; trying their best to keep the sunlight from touching the ground it yearned for. The world felt new, the grass still waking up as it crunched below Lelouch's footsteps. Each new breath the prince pulled into his lungs found itself surprisingly crisp and fresh— it chased out the death that hung in his lungs and it left him feeling alive. Because that's what life does to you, it gives you reasons to live when you wish to die, and insignificant but beautiful things that make you love the world that has destroyed you. The world that's destroyed your best friend. And suddenly, the world doesn't seem like that much of a magnificent place once you start to think about all of it. But you carry on anyways because that's what you've always done— from being casted away from the royal family and having to learn to live away from the safety of golden walls to being the single man that challenges an entire empire and in more ways than one, fails. You keep going because that's all you know how to do. You keep going.

Today is July 10th and it's Suzaku's birthday. The graveyard's granite skyline peaks just slightly above the hill that stretches out before Lelouch and in just mere seconds he's reached the headstone that belongs to his enemy, his knight of Zero— his best friend. Things weren't supposed to end this way. Lelouch was supposed to rise to power, become the tyrant that Britannia despised and in that hatred he would unite the empire and once that awful ruler was disposed of by the great harbinger of justice, Zero of the Black Knights, peace would cradle the nation and he would be dead. It was a sacrifice that was his and only his to make, because it had been the prince's war from the beginning. From Shirley's body to Rolo Lamperouge's, to many of his friends and strangers he had never met and would never have to chance to meet— the body count kept rising in his pursuit of justice. He couldn't continue to live on. It was only fair that his life needed to be given for all of those that he had, in some way shape or form, taken. But, Suzaku, didn't see the equivalence in the world, the black and whiteness of the checkered chess board, that Lelouch did and when it came time to dispose of the treacherous tyrant, he couldn't let his best friend perish. Suzaku took the name and burden of Zero and spared him his life.

There is blood on your hands, and a sword through your stomach, and you no longer know what time it is. Your name is Lelouch, not Lelouch vi Britannia, not Lelouch Lamperouge, not Zero— and no one seems to remember that.

You haven't always been the emperor. Actually, you never wished this for yourself but your enemy tricked you and you failed to see the move on the chessboard in advance; so, this is what you had to resort to. No fireworks, no promises, no fields of sunflowers. Not anymore. At this moment, Suzaku looks at you and you can feel deep down in your gut that he remembers everything you did, remembers that you, not Zero, you, killed Euphemia. You made her cease to exist. He looks at you and you know that you are forgiven.

But it isn't enough to just be forgiven. You never asked for any of this, not the things that have went horribly wrong. You never wanted the responsibility of God thrust upon you, you weren't out to toy with life or death; suffering or joy. You just wanted to make the world a better place. You think back to months ago, eons ago, when all you ever did was run around with the student council at Ashford Academy and spent your evenings with Nunnally and now all of that is gone. Now you have a churning heart of lava and the inner clockwork of your brain is blown to smithereens and you're living a bloodstained fucking nightmare. Things will never be simple again. There will always be someone out to get you. And from this point on, it'll only be you out to get yourself. You spent a lifetime training yourself for this very moment, and for what? You couldn't act when it mattered. You couldn't save Shirley or Euphemia or give Rolo the love he gave you. All you could do was run.

Your name is Lelouch, not Lelouch vi Britannia, not Lelouch Lamperouge, Not Zero or anything else like that. You are Lelouch no matter what C.C calls you, no matter what Suzaku sees you to be. It's kind of funny because you spent most of your life trying to be someone else. And now that it's finally time to be you, you're alone, standing before the headstone of person who gave you the chance to do just that.

But today is about Suzaku, and Lelouch drops slowly onto his knees; his slender fingers slowly scraping over the hard stone as his violet eyes sweep over the etchings— Kururugi Suzaku. And you feel like this is all your fault, even though you do not know why. All you know is you were told to live, to live on like so many in your life have told you to do, and the next thing you know he's dead. But you won't cry and you bite your lip until you taste the all too familiar metallic taste of blood because despite what you feel, despite what the world has fooled you into believing— you're strong.

"Suzaku…" Lelouch begins, his voice almost inaudible. "Suzaku, my knight, my friend; I'm sorry."

There's nothing but silence.

In fact, there's nothing at all. There's no feeling that Suzaku is still here, only the thought that his rotting corpse is beneath your feet.

So, you smile. "It's ridiculous, but I can't help but believe I had some part in putting you in the ground even though I know without a doubt we brought ourselves here, didn't we? Me, a demon and you a saint, but we walked through that field of sunflowers together. We've come a long way. Your dedication to the Britannian empire was a magnificent thing, you fought so bravely for people that hated you as I fought diligently against those I hated. Then our paths crossed again, just like I knew they had to. It was you and I— a waking Knightmare— our guns pointed at each other and your hands shaking in agony, my head under your foot as you showed me how I wasn't the only man that used any cost to gain his means, isn't that right, Knight of Seven? But, then you saw what I saw in this fight and you, like I, wanted the world to be at peace and you understood this war had to end and at what cost. So, I handed you Zero's mask and you clutched it in your hands, your knuckles rising like an ivory mountain out of a fleshy sea and you accepted my suffering and my burden and you became Zero and you, Suzaku, you did what I failed to do under his mask. The cost had always been me— my happiness, my peace— and I sacrificed that for the world I wished to create. I only wished, though. I only dreamed. You were the one that created."

And now your body feels like it's about to collapse within itself. Your bones are cold and they feel hollow like the marrow that keeps you living. Your lungs find it harder to pull in the reviving morning air and you can't feel your legs anymore. You've been on your knees for far too long. But, you feel this anger growing within you, something so violent that your hand balls up into a fist and you pound it as hard as you can against the hard granite headstone and an immense pain swells up inside you, starting at your hand and it travels over you like a wildfire, consuming all of you until there's nothing left to burn.

"But, towards the beginning there was the Battle of Narita. You and I were about to die and you were just going to give in, like only cowards do, and let death take over you. But, I was more resilient then and I was there to protect you. I did something I promised myself I wouldn't do, I used my geass on you and I commanded you to live, Suzaku. Don't you see? Don't you understand? I told you to live._ Commanded you to live_. And here we are, tables turned. The one who wished for death, alive and the one who wished for life, dead." Lelouch's voice broke, his voice ascending in an angry sadness, "And you're not waiting for me on the other side, because there is no other side. I'm not foolish enough to believe in heaven. But I'm sure you were. I'm sure it made the burden of living easier for you; but, tell me, Suzaku, what's worse— living or dying? Because I'm stuck here. And you're free."

_But don't you weep. No, don't you weep for him for; there is nothing as easy, as lucky or free._

"Look at me," he choked, his body calming down from swelling emotions that had taken root over the prince, "I'm talking nonsense to a slab of rock. You can't hear me. You can't make anything better for me…" A small, woeful chuckle rumbled from Lelouch's pursed lips. On this day of celebration, on July 10th, he had suffered enough, hadn't he? He had come here to be with his best friend on his birthday. There was still a chance to make things right. Because a crown of thorns and a crown of flowers, is still a crown nonetheless. Whether the life has escaped that which is beautiful or not, it still remains true that it existed and what a marvelous existence it had. "…And maybe there's a bright side to this. Perhaps one of these days I'll learn how to make it on my own. I'm feeling stronger now. You always did that to me." Lelouch is getting up off his knees now, and the sunlight is barely reaching his porcelain skin, but it's there over the horizon and the world is becoming illuminated. "So, Suzaku…—"

He's risen, his legs weak and shaky, and Lelouch let his violet eyes sweep over the monument that stood erect before him. For a final time, he let his fingers sweep over the etchings, Kururugi Suzaku, each letter feeling different than the one before it, and he remembered the way Suzaku's skin felt when he had touched it, so firey and full of life. He remembred his green eyes and how nothing could shine so bright. He remembered sun drenched summer days where he and Suzaku took turns carrying Nunnally through a field of sunflowers and explaining to her what the world looked like with gorgeous yellows and brilliant blues. He thought of all those times he was running, exhausted and ready to drop after only taking a few steps, and how Suzaku would always race by him with a smile on his face and a joke on his lips and they were both racing to their deaths; Lelouch lagged behind, so he got ahead. He thought about Suzaku's laugh, and all the times and how he wished it was possible to take a bottle and capture people's words in it, that way he could open the bottle and Suzaku's laugh could reverberate around him. He thought about how focused and full of hatred he had been when they stood, Zero unmasked, and Suzaku knew that Lelouch had been the one to kill Euphemia and how the prince wished it had been him that Suzaku had loved so dearly. He thought about how ready his best friend had been to put on the mighty Zero's mask and be the one to slay Lelouch the tyrant emperor of Britannia so he could unite the world into peace. Lastly, Lelouch found himself thinking one single, final thought—

And his life was a beautiful one.

"—Happy birthday."


End file.
